kmaples posted on May 20, 2011 14:15
When 2010 graduate Nicole Fisher showed up for her first day of college at Miami University, she had only talked with her roommate through Facebook.
Fisher was then faced with an entire year of sharing a room with someone she hardly knew.
“When we met in person, we happened to be moving in at the same time so we introduced ourselves,” Fisher said. “She was really shy at first, but, as I got to know her more, she definitely became a lot more talkative.
“Once we became comfortable with each other, I was surprised by how fast my dorm room felt like home.”
Making a first impression, whether it’s with your roommate or in a new class, can be critical in the first few weeks of college.
But like Fisher, many people are meeting their roommates through the Internet, making impressions before they come face-to-face.
“Over the summer, don’t become best friends,” Harlan Cohen, author of The Naked Roommate: And 107 Other Issues You Might Run Into in College, said in a phone interview. “There’s plenty of time to do that.
“By the time school starts, your friendship will be over. You won’t have much to talk about. Be friendly with them over the summer, get to know them when you’re living together.”
However, things can quickly sour if you get off to a bad start. From the beginning, 2010 graduate Carrie Lammers, who attends the University of Cincinnati (UC), had a bad impression of her first roommate.
“My first impression was that she was a rich, stuck up girl,” Lammers said. “She moved out the middle of winter quarter.
“I have a new roommate now that I love; we have become so close.”
The key to getting along is to come in without any expectations, according to Cohen.
“Don’t force or expect your roommate to be your best friend,” Cohen said. “When you want your roommate to like you so much, you don’t talk about uncomfortable issues, and then they become huge problems.”
Some examples Cohen’s book cites are roommates who are extremely messy or steal your stuff. Bottling up your aggravation can just result in a massive fight later on.
To avoid this, Cohen suggests setting up rules when you first arrive.
“You’re forced (at UC) to set up a contract with your roommate, an agreement on things like keeping your side clean,” Lammers said. “With my first roommate, we didn’t take it seriously. That was a huge mistake.
“When my second roommate moved in, I made sure to talk about different rules.”
Once you lay out the details, the important thing to remember is to be courteous.
“Start with ‘Hello’ and go from there,” Cohen said. “Treat them the way you want to be treated: kind, honest and courteous. If you do that, you’ll make a great first impression.”